Procrastination will kill me one day, I swear.

I sit down at my table with every intention of typing my analysis 4.1 that is due Monday (incidentally I gave myself that deadline). I sit down, switch on my laptop and just start surfing, analysis stuff forgotten. And when I finally pinched myself enough to close all my windows and open my word doc, I realise I just spent 3-4 hours surfing useless stuff.

Sigh.

And guess what, the “useless stuff” is here: http://jo-lovely-stuff.livejournal.com/

Do help me to spread it around if possible. My first attempt at trying to sell things online. I hope it works.

Am hurting so much.

I probably don’t understand, and I may never will. I wish I could, then I don’t have to hurt so much.

I finally opened my eyes 2 days ago. I finally saw for myself how practical one can get.

When friends desert you at a time you need them most, a lesson will be learnt. I learnt that I can never trust someone that wholeheartedly again. 6 years of friendship could not even beat months of together-ness. These 6 years were not without some trouble, we lost a little trust in each other back then and finally realised our mistake after some time. Hence, I thought we grew closer. But no. The exact same thing happened again and this time I get the feeling that it won’t be so easy regaining the trust again.

I guess this is how you know what friendships are made of, which are your real friends and which are there for the ride but will get off when they encounter turbulence.

Someone once said I’m like a boiled carrot: tough on the outside yet soft and tender on the inside. I guess I’m that vulnerable all right. I can’t seem to take these troubles easily, probably because I didn’t think the same thing would happen again with the same person. I like to see this as another test of our friendship, but somehow I don’t think I’ll pass the test with flying colours this time.

Live and let live, they say. But how is it possible when that person has always been there for you and now chooses to let you go?

我不知要如何释怀，如何才能收拾心情。

我已累了，不想再有任何的负担和累赘，但我知道这是我生命中不可缺少的一部分。

之前觉得很庆有伴与我共度今生，现在感觉依然存在，也许稍薄了些许。我并不在乎未来的路是否伴相随，只盼不伤害任何人。

梦境告诉了我该如何抉择，但不信邪的我仍然往前看，不许自己活在回忆或梦幻里。