No one really understands.
They try to but they never will. Not because they don’t want to, but because they can’t. Who can safely say they know exactly how I’m feeling right now if I don’t tell them? No one.
So why grudge someone for not understanding? I blame everyone sometimes when things don’t go my way. I curse them, I swear at them and I glare at them. But deep down inside, I know that it’s not their fault for not understanding. Because I choose not to tell them.
My dad and sister are berating me now for a certain decision I made that will greatly change the way I live from now on. It’s a promise to some people that will last 3 or more years. They blame me for deciding too rashly. I know I am given to making rash decisions at times, often regretting what I did some time later. I explained my point of view to them, and got another earful from them. This time I heard the words “stupid”, “dumb” and “idiot”.
Those words I always use in banter with friends. Those words I always see in msn nicks. But I never once thought I would hear them being said to me by these people.
I want to tell someone all this, I want someone to listen. But no one understands. Many think I’m making a big deal out of nothing. A mountain out of a molehill.
Will anyone tell me they understand? Will anyone be forever there for me?
I suddenly feel as if my future is so bleak. I was confident when I signed the papers. Now, I feel like my loved ones are not supporting me anymore and this hurts me. A lot.
I can’t stop crying.
A pointless post to you maybe, but it’s ok. You don’t understand.
