I looked around and sighed.

Everyone around me is hunched over their papers, furiously trying to cram in that extra one or two lines into an already packed exam script. I looked down at my paper and frowned. I couldnt make any sense of it.

I took some time to understand the first question when the exam started. I could see out of the corner of my eye people scribbling notes on their question papers, but I have no idea what to scribble. In the end, I circled the keywords. Twice. Then I sneaked a peak to my left. To my right. They have started writing. Starting to sweat in my thick Converse sweater, I took up my pen, gritted my teeth and started to rephrase the question in my own words.

Halfway down the paper, which essentially is only made up of two paragraphs (anyone who’s familiar with the size and beauty of my handwriting can ascertain), I stopped short and looked at the question again. I got frightened. Really frightened. I know I have no excuse to be scared when it’s the last semester of my years in school having exams, but I was really scared. I put down my pen and willed myself not to cry. After some time, I took a deep breath and started to work on the second question instead.

This question I can answer fairly well because I focused mainly on this area when I was revising-cum-shopping. I cheered silently in my heart. After 4 pages of hand-numbing writing, my mind suddenly came up with a question: What if I misunderstood the question. I went back to read the question again. And again.

A word of advice: Never go back to read the question you were confident in answering, because you will start to hallucinate various depressing situations.

I started to see the question differently. Head throbbing, I took up my question paper and set it right in front of me. I stared at the question hard. Bad mistake. I started to think I went out of point. So I started cancelling. Drew lines across sentence after sentence. I glanced at the clock and got a start. Where did the time go? I hurriedly scribbled something down in place of the sentences I cancelled and flipped back to the first question.

This time, I told myself that I understood the question. So, not leaving myself with any time to question further, I started writing. But while I was writing, my instinct keeps blaring red hot alert. I have to be wrong. This can’t be right at all. I have never felt so wrong with an answer before. But I have no time. I finished my last sentence with about 5 minutes to go.

Dazed and frightened, I got up after the collection of papers and stuffed everything haphazardly into my bag. Sweater not folded. Paper not placed properly, just squashed up into a ball. Matriculation card threw in bag. Pencil case not zipped, turned upside down in bag. I knew I’m in deep shit. I just wanted to get out of there.

Walking out of the class, I see them waiting for me, waiting to discuss the paper while walking to the bus stop. They are my two of my closest friends in school, yet this sense of deep frustration and blind hate just welled up in me. I walked quietly beside them, not trusting myself to speak, in case I burst and burst this balloon of friendship as well.

I sat on the bus alone, thinking. Am I to graduate this way? I don’t know. I want a better me, but after 4 years, the result I get is paranoia, uneasiness and bad tempers. What should I do?