Confusion strikes again.

It’s been some time already, but the feelings never go away. In fact, they might be even deeper now.

This is bad. It’s affecting everything I think, say and do. I really don’t know what to do anymore. The signs are getting complicated and confusing.

I wish someone can decide for me. Then I don’t have to ponder over this for such a long time and get so worried about it.

Ok. Enough is enough.

Apparently another “friend” has been giving me flak for not being able to turn up for a meeting. You guys went missing, went on holidays and went on with your lives for the most part, and I didn’t say anything about it.

Now that you are finally free and have nothing to do, you think of me and I’m supposed to jump at a chance of meeting you? I have my own things to do too, and my friends usually know that I like to plan meetings early. If you just saw me on msn and thought that “hey, Jo is here. Since I’m free on Thursday anyway, let’s meet up with her”, am I supposed to push everything away on Thursday just because you finally asked?

I don’t think so. Friends don’t do that to friends. Apparently I was wrong.

I feel hurt.

Friends who seem to understand now don’t.

I’ve had a tough week. It’s no excuse for neglecting people I care about, but it does affect the time I have left over.

A sudden change of tone and attitude. All that in the space of a few minutes. It hurts. It really does. No explanation given as well, thus I couldn’t fathom the abrupt change, until I came across a written text.

It seems surreal, actually, because I thought you would be among the last of my friends to judge me like that. I thought I had someone who understands, and I was waiting so long to meet you so we could catch up. But before I can confirm the day with you, you turned cold suddenly.

I don’t want to explain myself any further, but I do believe that you have your reasons for saying or doing what you did. That’s fine, but I hope you’d told me about it so we could talk about it, and not turn stranger in the blink of an eye.

I feel defeated.