It’s been 2 weeks in this totally unfamiliar environment.

Exciting, yeah. Despite all that butterflies-in-stomach feelings, I did look forward to what’s going to come. I did hold rather high expectations of both myself and the institution.

But reality often is different from what we expected. The excitement wore off at about 11am the first day when I encountered for the first time those who think they cannot make it. The rowdiness, laziness and noise – all these I can handle and accept. It’s the impertinence and rude behaviour that I cannot. Yes, they are still young and ignorant, so I can’t really point a finger at them all the time and say that it’s their fault for not wanting to listen. But how can a mere thirteen-yr-old throw a chair and command the Head to shut up? I’m totally bewildered. And it’s not just that particular thirteen-yr-old I’m concerned about. The place is full of such thirteen-yr-olds that made me think twice of what I’m doing. Yes, I wanted to make a difference. I still do, just that now disillusionment has set in. I’m not sure if my hopes and expectations in the beginning are enough to overcome this deep sense of disillusionment I have now.

If you think thirteen-yr-olds are all that I’m dealing with now, you can think again. Ultimately, they are still kids so closing one eye against their doings becomes easier, especially when thirty- and forty-yr-olds are plotting and scheming against you. I had the privilege of coming face-to-face with that during my first day. It’s overwhelming.

I told my friends, maybe I was spoilt in that previous environment. The people there, my Heads, all of them were so nice and friendly to me that I sort of expected to see the same kind of people everywhere I go. I know now that I was wrong.

Obviously this is where I will be for the time being. Keeping my spirits high each and every day becomes a mantra for me, something that I keep telling myself every time I find myself seated in front of the laptop after a particularly gruelling day. This mantra doesn’t seem like it’s going to stop anytime in the near future, but I do wish that it can come easier as I continue.