The dust has finally settled.

An announcement out of the blue, electronic no less, has loudly exclaimed the end of my torture.

 

I feel relieved now. But there’s this nagging feeling in me. I don’t really know how to explain it, I just know that I’m uneasy. Maybe some remnants of dust are still swirling around in the aftermath, refusing to be put in place.

Sad. Relieved. Disappointed. Happy.

Mixed emotions, yeah. But these emotions are so strong that I feel as if  I’m being engulfed by them. My brain is telling me, good now it’s over you can finally put your heart at ease, no more worries. But my heart, the single organ that usually controls how I behave, is saying that I should try one last time. To go for it again. That would be dumb of me, seeing how hard it was for me to put it down in the first place. But I just can’t seem to accept this “settlement” with pleasure and ease, no matter how hard I try.

But I’m also happy. Not for myself though. I’m glad for the final outcome now although I’m not the one who benefitted the most from it.

 

I just want to say: Please take care. You always have a friend in me, regardless of what had happened. It’s over and no I won’t listen to my heart this time. All the best to you and I hope your decision is the best one you have ever made.