I’m scared.

I know it’s very silly of me, but I can’t help thinking what will happen if he’s no longer around. Why think that in the first place, you may ask. Another 2 weeks and he’ll be in a dangerous place doing a dangerous thing endangering his life.

I’m scared.

I keep having negative thoughts: What if I don’t get to see him again? What if I receive an sms in the middle of work, an sms informing me of bad news? I’ll collapse for sure.

I don’t know what’s making me behave this way actually. Paranoid, apprehensive, nervous, worried. Anything might happen while he’s out there. Especially the few months of training at first. It’ll be gruelling. The newspapers have always reported about people who collapsed during training and they don’t wake up again. What if the same thing happened? I wouldn’t know what to do.

I’m happy with him around. I can’t imagine life without him now, actually. He has become part of my routine, my habits, my life.

I wish I can tell him to retract his decision, but knowing him, he’ll go ahead. It’s too late to retract anyway.

No more nightmares please.